In our society it is considered selfish and narcissistic if you think of yourself first. But is this accurate? If you care for everyone else until you are so run down, you cannot help yourself or others, is it still selfish? Or is it wise. We can only give to others what we have to give, if you have nothing, you give nothing.
When my kids were young we used to spend some time just window shopping in an upscale neighborhood and shopping area. We would specifically go during Christmas and each one of us would count how many people appeared happy, sadly we rarely got past one hand. I did this to demonstrate to my children, that many of those people obviously appear to have money and material possessions, yet remain unhappy or angry in their appearance. Looking back now, I wonder if these people also drained themselves and now they are unhappy or easily angered because their needs were unmet. You can go anywhere and see people who barely pay attention to what is said, barely make eye contact, look and act as they are completely drained and demonstrate they have no interest in you and they are just doing their "job." Complete emotional and physical exhaustion is evident everywhere we go as we all run on the hamster wheel of society's never ending to do list and to be list.
I have recognized this in my own life. I came to a point of crisis with a disease 4 1/2 years ago. I spent all my lifeforce and time investing in others--family, patients, friends and church family. When I became ill I could not do anything for anyone, and barely for myself. I learned that putting myself first would have been wise as I would have been able to give more instead of running on empty giving people barely anything and then feeling anger because none of my needs were met. My anger was an ever present presence in my life and was my first reaction to anything and everything. It was destructive to me and I believe contributed to my becoming ill. I now recognize my anger when it comes up as a warning sign that I have missed out on taking care of me.
Women are frequently taught to be self-sacrificing and if you aren't then you are a poor mom, wife, friend, coworker, the list continues. Internally, we may be continually doing things for others in our quest to be told that we are worthy, good enough or loved. Sometimes we do it so we can be the martyr and let everyone know about all our "sacrifices". External rewards will only provide soul sustenance for so long and eventually all that will be left, is bitterness of what could have been and missed opportunities.
Back to what is self-care, Cheryl Richardson, author of "The Art of Extreme Self-Care", describes this concept of self-care as taught to her by her coach, Thomas, as "taking radical action to improve my life and engaging in daily habits that allowed me to maintain this new standard of living. For example, it wasn't enough to take a weekend off from helping others so that I could enjoy some downtime. Thomas wanted me to schedule time for myself (on my calendar, in ink) every day for six months."
Almost everything we own or have requires some tending, don't you? Aren't you worth some self-love and attention. Be patient with yourself, it is a process.
We aren't taking about spending all day everyday on yourself, but maybe it is an hour with a bath and good book or a time to sit with a hot cup of tea and your journal.
What does this concept of self-care mean to you? Does it feel indulgent or selfish? What are your thoughts on this issue?
Until next time......
picture from unprofound.com
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