What do you really mean?

What do we really mean when we make certain statements. We routinely hear others and ourselves say things, but are we really paying attention to the underlying meaning? Think about the following statements:

1. "My job takes all my time."
2. "No one appreciates anything I do!"
3. "I always end up doing everything."
4. "I never have time to myself or to do what I want to do."

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Let's examine what the underlying, true meaning of each those statements.

In the first one, what I am hearing is, I choose to work at a job that consumes my life. In the next one, I hear , I routinely take on too much and I keep hoping someone will pay attention to what I am doing, please recognize me! The third one demonstrates an inability to delegate and/or ask for help. Lastly, what I hear is that I am not a priority and I don't make time to do things that nourish me.

How can we turn this around? Self-care is the way we turn it around. We recognize that by putting our needs first, we can better serve those around us. We can be present, available, loving, comforting, fun and nurturing. We recognize what we are saying, how it feels when we say it, and what does that statement really mean to us. Next, we use the steps that we are learning in our holistic self-care groups to change that detrimental dynamic in our lives. Here are some examples:

If your job takes all your time, evaluate if you can work smarter in the same time frame, delegate some tasks and group tasks together. Maybe you will need to set up some work boundaries, such as answering emails only during a certain time frame daily and same with phone calls. It might be that you have trained your coworkers and managers to know that if they want something done, you are the one to do it. Start delegating appropriate tasks to appropriate staff. This enables them to become more confident. Consider that those extra shifts may not be beneficial in the long term.

If you are taking on too much, start by recognizing you need to start with loving yourself. Check out this article on mirror work. It may seem silly or useless, but try it. It is very difficult to do at the beginning. If you love yourself, you will put yourself first and you will learn to accept yourself from within not from the approval of others. Look at why you overdo it. This is a great journal topic.

Next prioritize what must be done and what you want in your life. Start eliminating things that don't fit your life. Maybe your kids don't need a zillion activities. Maybe since you work, you cannot be the room mom at school. You will need to make these choices and don't think that difficult choices is the same as no choice. The committees at work can function without you in all of them.

The third example has to do with needing control. Why do you need to do everything? Did someone really ask you to do everything? Is that what you think you should do? Can you ask for help? It is great for kids to learn to cook, shop, clean and manage their homes and lives. Are you depriving others around you from learning new skills and becoming more proficient? If you answered yes, evaluate the reasons. Does that mean they won't "need" you? If this resonates with you, some dedicated journaling will help you evaluate and find the reasons behind this behavior. This will free you from this bond!

Lastly, you do have time for yourself. Everyone has the same amount of time everyday, you will need to structure your time to include doing things you want for yourself. Here is a nice article on how to put yourself first.

Remember, this a journey, not a 5k run. Take time to order your life. Give yourself grace and patience. We are in it for the long haul, but only you can make your life the way you want it. Your life will run, but will you run it or will it continue to run you?

You decide............