Monday, March 25, 2013
Journal Topic for This Week
Sometimes we cannot move forward because of real or perceived fears. Fear of judgment, failure, feeling a sense of being phony even though you are well versed in your occupation. Many of us are perfectionists and that unrealistic goal sets us up for perpetual failure, striving for the unachievable.
What are you afraid of?
Wednesday, March 20, 2013
Should vs Could
In our Nurse Self-Care groups, my colleague, Kelly Pineda and I are providing nurses a safe space to release their frustrations, disappointments, experiences and celebrations. Our group, Holistic Self-Care for RNs meets on a weekly basis. Recently, Kelly introduced us to should vs could. She explained that sometimes we take on things we think we should do, but don't really want to. It is very different doing something for someone out of love and kindness versus guilt and obligation. When the latter is the motivating factor, we end up being resentful because we are suppressing our needs and our motivation wasn't based on love, but perceived obligation.
Kelly points out that when deciding on doing something first, sleep on a decision if it doesn't need to be made now. Second, replace should with could. I should go to Missy's wedding shower vs I could go to Missy's wedding shower. I should work an extra shift vs I could work an extra shift. The change in a word, gives you permission to make a choice not go through with a perceived obligation.
How does this change your perspective? Do you make choices from a place of guilt and obligation?
Kelly points out that when deciding on doing something first, sleep on a decision if it doesn't need to be made now. Second, replace should with could. I should go to Missy's wedding shower vs I could go to Missy's wedding shower. I should work an extra shift vs I could work an extra shift. The change in a word, gives you permission to make a choice not go through with a perceived obligation.
How does this change your perspective? Do you make choices from a place of guilt and obligation?
Friday, February 22, 2013
Journal topic for the Weekend February 22, 2013
Today's journal topic is, "What do you want is more of in your life?" This could mean more time, more love, more energy, anything. Once you decide what you want more of, start journaling about how you can make that happen.
Comment below and let us know what you want more of. We are sure you aren't thinking you want more snow!!!
Comment below and let us know what you want more of. We are sure you aren't thinking you want more snow!!!
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
What do you really mean?
What do we really mean when we make certain statements. We routinely hear others and ourselves say things, but are we really paying attention to the underlying meaning? Think about the following statements:
Let's examine what the underlying, true meaning of each those statements.
In the first one, what I am hearing is, I choose to work at a job that consumes my life. In the next one, I hear , I routinely take on too much and I keep hoping someone will pay attention to what I am doing, please recognize me! The third one demonstrates an inability to delegate and/or ask for help. Lastly, what I hear is that I am not a priority and I don't make time to do things that nourish me.
How can we turn this around? Self-care is the way we turn it around. We recognize that by putting our needs first, we can better serve those around us. We can be present, available, loving, comforting, fun and nurturing. We recognize what we are saying, how it feels when we say it, and what does that statement really mean to us. Next, we use the steps that we are learning in our holistic self-care groups to change that detrimental dynamic in our lives. Here are some examples:
If your job takes all your time, evaluate if you can work smarter in the same time frame, delegate some tasks and group tasks together. Maybe you will need to set up some work boundaries, such as answering emails only during a certain time frame daily and same with phone calls. It might be that you have trained your coworkers and managers to know that if they want something done, you are the one to do it. Start delegating appropriate tasks to appropriate staff. This enables them to become more confident. Consider that those extra shifts may not be beneficial in the long term.
If you are taking on too much, start by recognizing you need to start with loving yourself. Check out this article on mirror work. It may seem silly or useless, but try it. It is very difficult to do at the beginning. If you love yourself, you will put yourself first and you will learn to accept yourself from within not from the approval of others. Look at why you overdo it. This is a great journal topic.
Next prioritize what must be done and what you want in your life. Start eliminating things that don't fit your life. Maybe your kids don't need a zillion activities. Maybe since you work, you cannot be the room mom at school. You will need to make these choices and don't think that difficult choices is the same as no choice. The committees at work can function without you in all of them.
The third example has to do with needing control. Why do you need to do everything? Did someone really ask you to do everything? Is that what you think you should do? Can you ask for help? It is great for kids to learn to cook, shop, clean and manage their homes and lives. Are you depriving others around you from learning new skills and becoming more proficient? If you answered yes, evaluate the reasons. Does that mean they won't "need" you? If this resonates with you, some dedicated journaling will help you evaluate and find the reasons behind this behavior. This will free you from this bond!
Lastly, you do have time for yourself. Everyone has the same amount of time everyday, you will need to structure your time to include doing things you want for yourself. Here is a nice article on how to put yourself first.
Remember, this a journey, not a 5k run. Take time to order your life. Give yourself grace and patience. We are in it for the long haul, but only you can make your life the way you want it. Your life will run, but will you run it or will it continue to run you?
You decide............
- "My job takes all my time."
- "No one appreciates anything I do!"
- "I always end up doing everything."
- "I never have time to myself or to do what I want to do."
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http://nursing.stanbridge.edu/?p=9344 |
Let's examine what the underlying, true meaning of each those statements.
In the first one, what I am hearing is, I choose to work at a job that consumes my life. In the next one, I hear , I routinely take on too much and I keep hoping someone will pay attention to what I am doing, please recognize me! The third one demonstrates an inability to delegate and/or ask for help. Lastly, what I hear is that I am not a priority and I don't make time to do things that nourish me.
How can we turn this around? Self-care is the way we turn it around. We recognize that by putting our needs first, we can better serve those around us. We can be present, available, loving, comforting, fun and nurturing. We recognize what we are saying, how it feels when we say it, and what does that statement really mean to us. Next, we use the steps that we are learning in our holistic self-care groups to change that detrimental dynamic in our lives. Here are some examples:
If your job takes all your time, evaluate if you can work smarter in the same time frame, delegate some tasks and group tasks together. Maybe you will need to set up some work boundaries, such as answering emails only during a certain time frame daily and same with phone calls. It might be that you have trained your coworkers and managers to know that if they want something done, you are the one to do it. Start delegating appropriate tasks to appropriate staff. This enables them to become more confident. Consider that those extra shifts may not be beneficial in the long term.
If you are taking on too much, start by recognizing you need to start with loving yourself. Check out this article on mirror work. It may seem silly or useless, but try it. It is very difficult to do at the beginning. If you love yourself, you will put yourself first and you will learn to accept yourself from within not from the approval of others. Look at why you overdo it. This is a great journal topic.
Next prioritize what must be done and what you want in your life. Start eliminating things that don't fit your life. Maybe your kids don't need a zillion activities. Maybe since you work, you cannot be the room mom at school. You will need to make these choices and don't think that difficult choices is the same as no choice. The committees at work can function without you in all of them.
The third example has to do with needing control. Why do you need to do everything? Did someone really ask you to do everything? Is that what you think you should do? Can you ask for help? It is great for kids to learn to cook, shop, clean and manage their homes and lives. Are you depriving others around you from learning new skills and becoming more proficient? If you answered yes, evaluate the reasons. Does that mean they won't "need" you? If this resonates with you, some dedicated journaling will help you evaluate and find the reasons behind this behavior. This will free you from this bond!
Lastly, you do have time for yourself. Everyone has the same amount of time everyday, you will need to structure your time to include doing things you want for yourself. Here is a nice article on how to put yourself first.
Remember, this a journey, not a 5k run. Take time to order your life. Give yourself grace and patience. We are in it for the long haul, but only you can make your life the way you want it. Your life will run, but will you run it or will it continue to run you?
You decide............
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
Benefits of Taking a Day of Rest Every Week.
I found this great article in Mother Earth Living and thought I would like to share it with you.
Carol Venolia discusses how taking a sabbath day of rest, energizes us and provides us with more productivity.
Let me know what your thoughts are on the issue and do you take a day of rest, if not, do you plan to start?
Blessings,
Kelly and Lolita
Carol Venolia discusses how taking a sabbath day of rest, energizes us and provides us with more productivity.
Let me know what your thoughts are on the issue and do you take a day of rest, if not, do you plan to start?
Blessings,
Kelly and Lolita
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
What is Nurse Self-Care?
What is self-care?
In our society it is considered selfish and narcissistic if you think of yourself first. But is this accurate? If you care for everyone else until you are so run down, you cannot help yourself or others, is it still selfish? Or is it wise. We can only give to others what we have to give, if you have nothing, you give nothing.
When my kids were young we used to spend some time just window shopping in an upscale neighborhood and shopping area. We would specifically go during Christmas and each one of us would count how many people appeared happy, sadly we rarely got past one hand. I did this to demonstrate to my children, that many of those people obviously appear to have money and material possessions, yet remain unhappy or angry in their appearance. Looking back now, I wonder if these people also drained themselves and now they are unhappy or easily angered because their needs were unmet. You can go anywhere and see people who barely pay attention to what is said, barely make eye contact, look and act as they are completely drained and demonstrate they have no interest in you and they are just doing their "job." Complete emotional and physical exhaustion is evident everywhere we go as we all run on the hamster wheel of society's never ending to do list and to be list.
I have recognized this in my own life. I came to a point of crisis with a disease 4 1/2 years ago. I spent all my lifeforce and time investing in others--family, patients, friends and church family. When I became ill I could not do anything for anyone, and barely for myself. I learned that putting myself first would have been wise as I would have been able to give more instead of running on empty giving people barely anything and then feeling anger because none of my needs were met. My anger was an ever present presence in my life and was my first reaction to anything and everything. It was destructive to me and I believe contributed to my becoming ill. I now recognize my anger when it comes up as a warning sign that I have missed out on taking care of me.
Women are frequently taught to be self-sacrificing and if you aren't then you are a poor mom, wife, friend, coworker, the list continues. Internally, we may be continually doing things for others in our quest to be told that we are worthy, good enough or loved. Sometimes we do it so we can be the martyr and let everyone know about all our "sacrifices". External rewards will only provide soul sustenance for so long and eventually all that will be left, is bitterness of what could have been and missed opportunities.
Back to what is self-care, Cheryl Richardson, author of "The Art of Extreme Self-Care", describes this concept of self-care as taught to her by her coach, Thomas, as "taking radical action to improve my life and engaging in daily habits that allowed me to maintain this new standard of living. For example, it wasn't enough to take a weekend off from helping others so that I could enjoy some downtime. Thomas wanted me to schedule time for myself (on my calendar, in ink) every day for six months."
Almost everything we own or have requires some tending, don't you? Aren't you worth some self-love and attention. Be patient with yourself, it is a process.
We aren't taking about spending all day everyday on yourself, but maybe it is an hour with a bath and good book or a time to sit with a hot cup of tea and your journal.
What does this concept of self-care mean to you? Does it feel indulgent or selfish? What are your thoughts on this issue?
Until next time......
Kelly and Lolita
In our society it is considered selfish and narcissistic if you think of yourself first. But is this accurate? If you care for everyone else until you are so run down, you cannot help yourself or others, is it still selfish? Or is it wise. We can only give to others what we have to give, if you have nothing, you give nothing.
When my kids were young we used to spend some time just window shopping in an upscale neighborhood and shopping area. We would specifically go during Christmas and each one of us would count how many people appeared happy, sadly we rarely got past one hand. I did this to demonstrate to my children, that many of those people obviously appear to have money and material possessions, yet remain unhappy or angry in their appearance. Looking back now, I wonder if these people also drained themselves and now they are unhappy or easily angered because their needs were unmet. You can go anywhere and see people who barely pay attention to what is said, barely make eye contact, look and act as they are completely drained and demonstrate they have no interest in you and they are just doing their "job." Complete emotional and physical exhaustion is evident everywhere we go as we all run on the hamster wheel of society's never ending to do list and to be list.
I have recognized this in my own life. I came to a point of crisis with a disease 4 1/2 years ago. I spent all my lifeforce and time investing in others--family, patients, friends and church family. When I became ill I could not do anything for anyone, and barely for myself. I learned that putting myself first would have been wise as I would have been able to give more instead of running on empty giving people barely anything and then feeling anger because none of my needs were met. My anger was an ever present presence in my life and was my first reaction to anything and everything. It was destructive to me and I believe contributed to my becoming ill. I now recognize my anger when it comes up as a warning sign that I have missed out on taking care of me.
Women are frequently taught to be self-sacrificing and if you aren't then you are a poor mom, wife, friend, coworker, the list continues. Internally, we may be continually doing things for others in our quest to be told that we are worthy, good enough or loved. Sometimes we do it so we can be the martyr and let everyone know about all our "sacrifices". External rewards will only provide soul sustenance for so long and eventually all that will be left, is bitterness of what could have been and missed opportunities.
Back to what is self-care, Cheryl Richardson, author of "The Art of Extreme Self-Care", describes this concept of self-care as taught to her by her coach, Thomas, as "taking radical action to improve my life and engaging in daily habits that allowed me to maintain this new standard of living. For example, it wasn't enough to take a weekend off from helping others so that I could enjoy some downtime. Thomas wanted me to schedule time for myself (on my calendar, in ink) every day for six months."
Almost everything we own or have requires some tending, don't you? Aren't you worth some self-love and attention. Be patient with yourself, it is a process.
We aren't taking about spending all day everyday on yourself, but maybe it is an hour with a bath and good book or a time to sit with a hot cup of tea and your journal.
What does this concept of self-care mean to you? Does it feel indulgent or selfish? What are your thoughts on this issue?
Until next time......
Kelly and Lolita
Friday, January 11, 2013
Journal Starters
We would like to give you weekly journal starters. These are ideas, questions, or quotes to help facilitate your journal writing.
Enjoy!
Let us know if you like them or want to share your own!!
This week's journal topic.
What is working well at your nursing job?
Until next time....
Kelly and Lolita
Enjoy!
Let us know if you like them or want to share your own!!
This week's journal topic.
What is working well at your nursing job?
Until next time....
Kelly and Lolita
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